she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
