I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
