i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
