I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
