I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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