I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
