and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
