I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
