i think my tv is drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
