I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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