Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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