Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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