to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
