I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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