I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
