Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
