another moral hangover. fuck.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
