You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
