we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
