Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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