My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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