He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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