I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize