You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
