i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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