I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
