I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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