I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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