You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
