I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
