the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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