Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
