Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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