She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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