And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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