quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
