i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
