90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
