I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
