hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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