Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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