he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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