I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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