member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize