He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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