Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize