i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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