Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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