i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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