do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
