I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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