Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
