Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah