Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
