may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO