...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
