i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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