Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
