i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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