you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
