I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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