And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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