and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
