She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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