Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
