I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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