Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
