You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
