I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
