Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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