Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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