16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
