I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
