So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize