whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
