dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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