I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize