remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
