I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
