Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
