U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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