doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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