forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
