We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.