I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY