Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?