6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.