I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.