remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.