I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
