I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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