I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out mid-signature
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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